Fresh starts. New beginnings. Most people think of these things occurring in January. Not me. My fresh starts have always been in August when school starts. From as far back as I can remember, around fifth grade, I always vowed the school year would be a better year for me. I was a crappy student. I would always have all this hope for the new school year. There I would be with shiny new school supplies, fresh crisp notebooks and a resolution to keep everything "perfect." A few weeks into the fall I would already have messed up. Perhaps it was a few broken crayons or maybe some sloppy handwriting, and then all bets were off. I guess I was an all or nothing kid. Once a few things were messy, I was hopeless and there I would be a disorganized train-wreck, yet every summer I vowed to get it together.
Fast forward to adulthood and most of my friends would call me super organized. I am I suppose,but there just seems to be a vision in my head of what fall should look like. Each summer since the big kids started school I would imagine the fall as "perfect." I would have everything in order, I would have snacks waiting for the kids when they came home, every meal would be planned, I would be this crafty organized super mom. It's yet to happen and yet I still dream. I still in July look towards a beautiful fall full of crisp fall air, yummy fall meals, a perfectly ordered house, a mom who can give full attention to her kids, school needs, appointments, clean the house and sail blissfully into the Christmas holiday where the transition from perfect fall to perfect holiday season complete with amazing Christmas crafts, decorations, home made cookies and gifts is a seamless transition.
Why do I do this? Why? It is impossible to be this person and yet I still wistfully dream. This year I dream of structured time with Ellie to do preschool things (we've decided not to send her this year at three), I dream of a stocked freezer full of delicious meals, (okay so I have made progress in this area) I dream of a clean organized home, time for fitness, better quiet time with my bible, and oh yeah...a shower DAILY complete with perfect hair!
Did I mention I also need to be perfect on the the first day or else it's all down hill?
School starts next week for the big kids. Will this finally be "my year?"