Saturday, November 7, 2015

Our Ways are NOT His Ways

Isaiah 55:7-9
…7 Let the wicked forsake his way And the unrighteous man his thoughts; And let him return to the LORD, And He will have compassion on him, And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon. 8"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. 9"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.…

This verse is what I have been hearing the last two days. MY ways are not your ways.
On Wednesday afternoon, just as I was waiting for Sophie's bus to arrive, I got a call from our agency. I was to get all my questions about baby Patrick and his condition and put them in an email. Our director was in China and was taking a train with in the hour to go see him at his orphanage. I sensed the urgency and concern. I also was very humbled at the personal attention we were getting. I wasn't surprised, our agency has always put families first, but it was really personal this time. I emailed our director and told her we were committed to him. She replied immediately and said to wait for all the information as they were dealing with a "tough situation." At this point, I knew she knew more than she was telling me, and I also knew she would wait until she had solid information to tell me. She told me the best decision was an informed one. I made the choice not to share the news with Chris. He was away hunting and couldn't do anything anyway.  I didn't want to ruin his trip with worry when I did not have any news. I sent a quick text to my friend Martha in Chicago, and then took the little ones and Wyatt to dinner.

I knew I would have to wait at least until the next day. When word didn't come at all on Thursday, I started preparing my heart. I texted Summer. She reminded me of how our journey for our second adoption didn't begin how we had planned, and how it had led us to Isaac.  She told me perhaps this is the same?  I felt reassured by her words, as if she was already accepting the worst outcome.

When Chris arrived home Thursday evening I told him everything I had been told. We waited all night for any word.. Early Friday morning I received an email. Diana wanted me to call her via Facetime. She told me, it was bad news and to call her right away. Through several dropped audio connections via Facetime she shared the details about the baby. I could hear her voice break.

She told me he was very sick. The seizures had damaged his brain so severely he was basically only able to breathe on his own. He no longer recognized caregivers. He no longer smiled. Our baby was no longer really there. I asked if she felt he was in pain and she said she didn't think so.
She was angry and devastated. She had seen this little baby and now she said it "wasn't the same kid."
I know in her mind she was trying to wrap her mind around the horror. She told me she had taken a very long video and it was horrifying.
I asked what would happen to him and she promised me they would have him moved to a care facility and out of the orphanage. Having our family on her heart, knowing we would try to do the impossible, she spent the day working there to find out what facility was available. She told me they had a solution and there was a fund to pay for his care. She said I needed to think of my whole family and I trusted her words.
Chris and I had talked before we got the call, and in the moment I told her we agreed. We would not bring him home.
Looking back now I know God had a different plan for him. He knew he would become sick, most likely not survive to be adopted, and he opened a door for better care here on earth.
He is still my child, and like the one I lost in 1998 I will not see him this side of heaven. I know God's promise and I will see him and hold him one day.
 I feel I can share his photo because I believe his time here on earth will be very short. Pray for this baby I named Patrick from the moment I saw his face.

What next? We are moving forward. Our hearts are still open and broken for the fatherless.
Since we have a finished home-study and have applied with our government to adopt from China we are moving ahead to adopt again. Patrick will NOT be simply forgotten he will be a part of our family and it's story.
We will NOT despair. We will go forward. Pray for us in our journey as it takes us back to China.

NOTE 12/16: We have decided not to return to China to adopt at this time. You can follow the journey of our family on this blog in the weeks and months to come .


1 comment:

  1. Oh my. I feel your loss. I pray for the "right" path for your family.