God ALWAYS answers

Since my last post over a year ago,  we had received news that our precious Patrick had been sent back to his original orphanage. For reasons I don't understand, the government required his return to his original home province orphanage. The photo I received from a volunteer who spotted him in a couple photos posted by a visiting adoptive family rocked me. His lips were cracked and dry, his eyes lifeless, and he was covered with a blanket up to his neck.  I notified our agency who grieved with me and promised to get me an update. The photos which followed looked moderately better, but I knew that was probably done to make things appear better than they were.

I had one prayer. One. That God would take him home and end his suffering here on earth. I prayed that every day for many days before the chaos of life pushed him to the back of my mind.

Every morning his sweet face greets me in a photo frame which sat on the end table next to the couch where I sat to have my coffee. I loved him from the moment I saw his face and have always considered myself his mother. I fought hard half a world away for my son's care and for a time he was in a wonderful facility. 

Today I got the news I always knew was coming. My friend, who takes a team to visit the orphanage a couple times a year let me know Patrick had passed away in January. The answer to my prayers

He is no longer suffering. No longer in pain. He is held by our Father and loved like we can't imagine.

I am thankful I was his mom, even though I didn't get to hold him this side of heaven.

This is the very first photo I saw of this sweet baby.

Patrick as a newborn

When he was happy and smiling

Before seizures due to high fever robbed his brain

These were sent to me by a mission team

Such a sweet baby

Video taken after his siezure

These photos and videos prompted me to fight to get him better care

After arriving at Maria's Big House of Hope. Clean and well taken care of

Taken his second year at Maria's

He had gotten so big!

He got physical therapy daily at Maria's

The shocking photo I received after the news he had been sent back to his original orphanage

The last photo I have of my son. Not long after this was taken he passed away.

Beauty From Ashes

I have been on a journey, a journey which started almost a year ago. In April 2015 I received the monthly newsletter from our agency in email. The email was titled “THE BABIES ARE COMING.”  One little face stood out to me. A baby with red hair! If you know me personally you know I have a special place in my heart for red heads. My husband has auburn hair. So when I saw this sweet face I emailed my agency at once to find out more about this beautiful child. I fell in love instantly when my case worker emailed back with the words “it’s a boy” and “he has albinism and is delayed like your son.”

My heart was beating fast and I knew it would be difficult convincing my husband to get on board with another adoption. We were waiting to travel to adopt a three year old girl with albinism to join our already large family of six! I composed a letter to him which you can read below.

My letter to Chris in April:

To my beloved,

I decided to write everything in my head down because for the last week it has been all I could focus on. I imagine it is somewhat like how you felt when you first felt called to adopt. It was all you could think about but didn’t know where to take it.

Boy, we have sure taken your calling and run with it! I cannot wait for our adventure back to China and our adventure to adopt sweet Sophie. I think she is going to be amazing, but even if our trip is crazy and Sophie hates our guts, God is good all the time.

So back to my heart. Ever since I saw the red haired baby’s picture I couldn’t stop thinking about him/her. When Diana wrote me and said he was a “he” and he was possibly delayed like Isaac I felt more in my heart than if she had told me he was on target.

I know it would be scary financially, but everything else I feel very confident about. We know this baby doesn’t have a chance being a boy, delayed, and in China. Not very many families are moving forward to adopt a boy or a visually impaired, delayed child.

I believe in my heart he is our son. I believe his name is Patrick Louis (for your mom).

I know we can make a difference and can indeed save “one more.”

We don’t have to decide anything now. His file is NOT prepared yet, so we would be able to see how life is with Sophie. We could do an update to our home study when Sara comes at 6 weeks post placement. We could reuse Sophie’s dossier up to a year after her Gotcha date.  

He could stay in the crib in Summer’s room until he was old enough to room with Isaac. We wouldn’t have to repaint because I picked the colors for that room to grow with a boy theme. We’re already going to be at the therapy place a ton because Isaac ages out of EI. and we could just use our insurance for all the therapies at Trish’s clinic. Trish has looked at his video for me and believes he is actually a little better off than Isaac was at that age. He has no flat head, and can lift his head on his stomach and can rotate his trunk. He just needs US!

I believe we were blessed with your job because God has great things planned for us. People already look to what we are doing and God gets the glory In a million years I never thought I could do this but I feel in my heart I can. I feel God transforming me in a way I hadn’t felt before.

I read this last week and I thought it applied here…

The Door God Opens Will Require You to Depend on Him

God is not going to give us something that will alienate us from him or make us believe we no longer need him. He is a God of relationship, and a God who insists upon being first in our lives (Matthew 6:33). Therefore, if you find yourself saying “I can’t do this unless God goes before me,” or “I can do this, but only with God’s help and leading” I would say, in my personal experience, it’s likely something God is calling you to do. Hebrews 11:6says: “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for he who comes to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder of those who seek him.” Many times an “open door” from God is one that allows our faith to be stretched and strengthened. That, after all, is God’s objective for us: to grow in faith and Christ-likeness.

You can…

·         Still go hunting as much as before

·         Still ride your motorcycle

I feel confident

·         I could travel alone or with Summer or Leann

·         We could hire someone to help with all the kids for while I am gone

·         I can take care of all these kids!

·         God HAS called us to this.

We do not have to decide about him now. We have time. We can talk to Richard in person about him more. I just want you to pray about him.

I love you with all my heart.

Julie

In June we brought Sophie Grace home from China. She was a hot beautiful mess of energy, temper and genius. She immediately bonded with all of us and learned English in a matter of months. We began moving forward to adopt Patrick, the name I had given our child waiting for us. In July a visiting mission team reported he not only had albinism but mild cerebral palsy. They sent videos and photos and my heartbeat grew even stronger for him. Despite hearing the diagnosis of cerebral palsy we did not waiver in our commitment to him. I learned of the amazing team who had held my child, loved my child and prayed over my child. You can read more about this amazing team below.
TEAM CHENZHOU

On of the Team Chenzhou members with Patrick

By the fall, our agency had not received his paperwork and I began to worry. I knew God had placed this child so strongly on my heart but my mother’s intuition was starting to kick in. I knew something was wrong. In September our agency learned he had been hospitalized for seizures. It took two weeks to learn he had been released and was back in the orphanage. We committed to bringing him home no matter what, but by now we knew our son might be severely delayed or handicapped.

 November brought devastating news. Patrick’s brain had been so severely damaged from the seizures he would not be made available for adoption. We were able to view several videos of him and the changes which had taken place in this sweet boy’s brain. I wanted to hop on a plane and cradle him in my arms. My heart broke in a million pieces. Part of me was angry at myself for being relieved I did not have to care for a severely impaired child.  The only comfort I had was our agency had been promised Patrick would be moved to a better care facility.

At first I wanted to keep going with our adoption process. My heart was empty and we had nearly completed a dossier.  Then everything started to fall apart. We had three little ones less than five years of age, and my husband and I didn’t agree on moving forward. I began dragging him through the paperwork process something which I had never done before with our first three adoptions. Our marriage suffered. One day I was angry and hurt about everything which had happened to my son and I took the crib down which had been in our bedroom. Little by little I started accepting we would not be adopting again.

As the holidays wound down, I began to think of my son again and wondered if he had been moved to a better facility. I also knew his birthday had been estimated to be in January but I had not been told the exact date. It was something I needed to know so I emailed our agency’s representative in China. During our first three adoptions we had built a personal relationship with him and I felt comfortable asking him to inquire about the baby. My heart sank when I received the email Patrick hadn’t been moved and they didn’t know where to send him.  Not wanting to step on any toes I asked our representative how I should proceed. He assured me the orphanage would be very grateful for my help. At first I had no idea what I should do. Then I reached out to a friend I had made during our daughter’s adoption in June. She was a Love without Boundaries volunteer and was able to facilitate his transfer to a care facility.

The plan suddenly became clear. He WAS my son. God used me in His great plan. While it wasn’t MY plan it was HIS, finding out we were able to find a care facility was huge.

My broken heart began to heal. I waited to find out when he would be moved.

Then I got a date, he would be moved on February 29. But…that wasn’t the biggest news. My son would be moving to one of the BEST care facilities in all of China.

Maria’s Big House of Hope.

You can read all about Maria’s Big House of Hope here.

Maria's Big House of Hope

It has all come full circle. I read Mary Beth’s book on the plane during my first trip to China. It haunted me the whole trip. I grieved for Mary Beth and her loss. I rejoiced in what she and Steven were able to accomplish in Maria’s honor. NEVER did I imagine one of MY children would live out their life there.

I hope to travel someday to visit Beijing and Maria’s Big House of Hope. I don’t know if Patrick will live long enough for me to hold him this side of heaven but I know my mamma’s will did everything I could to help him. The scar is there, but my heart has healed and I praise God for this experience.

JANUARY 23,2018 UPDATE:
Chris' mom Pat Lois Tracy passed away on January 20, 2018
We've established an special needs adoption grant in his name and her memory.
Donations cane be made at Equipping The Called or by mailing your gift to PO BOX 171 TROY, ILLINOIS 62294 (PLEASE NOTE IN MEMO LINE "PATRICK LOUIS GRANT"

Her memory and his legacy will live on.

Patrick in 2016 before he was moved to Maria's Big House of Hope

Patrick in 2016 lovingly cared for by wonderful nannies

Patrick 2018 He's changed so much!  He gets PT every day. Wonderful care continues at Maria's.

She overcame a rough beginning of abandonment to start again SOPHIE UPDATE

Her life began as a 2 day old infant found at the orphanage gate. She was immediately taken into care and for ten months the orphanage was her home. She was one of the lucky ones chosen by Love Without Boundaries to be part of their foster program. Along with another little girl close to her age, a loving grandmother cared for the girls as if they were her own. As Sophie waited for her adoption paperwork to be prepared she grew from an infant to stubborn toddler full of determination and independent will.

When we met Sophie on Family Day she came in confident and full of smiles, calling us Mama and Baba, the Chinese word for Daddy. Very quickly her excitement turned to fear and she began crying.

Later in the evening, while at the hotel she still seemed fearful but began to smile and play. She was fearful of bath time, even throwing up the noodles from dinnertime but she broke out into a huge smile when I produced brand new pajamas from the suitcase.

While in province she behaved like a royal princess. She smiled and went willingly with us. She loved to shop and each day would be excited about new clothes.

Life as an orphan newborn. Her bottle was propped for feeding

Rooms at the orphanage. The door to each room led to the outside. I could only stand and look at the children in the rooms for a brief moment before emotion over took me.

Washing

The first three months home began an interesting adjustment. Coming home after the first two adoptions we battled mostly jet lag and settling into a routine with a baby. This time it was getting to know a feisty three year old girl who spoke little English. I am not sure how we got through the first few months. I will be transparent here and say attachment for me was much more difficult than the first two adoptions. Sophie bonded with me almost immediately after coming home however in my gut it has taken longer to get to a place where I feel like her mother and not just a caregiver or teacher. Perhaps it was her independent will or perhaps it was because she was older? I now have a new appreciation of how much harder older child adoption actually is. They bring their own will to the table!

There were many meltdowns daily

With the help of her siblings and love of her family she over came her fear of furry friends!

Ellie had some jealousy issues in the very beginning but for the most part loved having a new best friend and playmate. While learning English Sophie would mimic anything Ellie would say. It was like a maddening "Ellie echo". I knew how helpful this was for Sophie's language development but at times I wanted to climb the walls!

Slowly, little by little we learned what allowed Sophie to feel secure and what caused her to meltdown.  Along the way we made many mistakes. We began physical and occupational therapy with Sophie at a fantastic clinic thirty minutes away. Along with her therapists we educated ourselves on  how to bests help Sophie regulate her emotions and maximize her high intelligence.

PATIENCE.PATIENCE.PATIENCE

Bath times started as a struggle but now she loves them!

The two of them are constant companions!

In October we celebrated her fourth birthday. I managed to blog a bit about the party and my obsession over making it special for her. I was thrilled when she became interested in Hello Kitty. She seemed to understand all my preparations were leading up to "her party." When party day came she was over the moon over the decorations. A very special reunion took place at her party.

Her foster sister had been adopted just an hour away and the family was able to attend. At first Sophie seemed confused but as the night wore on she took to her familiar role of bossing her "mei mei." The miracle of the two girls remaining close is a very special blessing indeed.

Six months home Sophie began attending Early Childhood Special Education four days a week, and occupational therapy one day a week. After just a few months Sophie "graduated" from physical therapy and we were very pleased with her progress. We plan to push very hard next year for her to be placed in a regular preschool classroom. Sophie is the princess of her class this year and while it is exciting for her to have structure going to school, we feel she will thrive by having more opportunities to share and follow directions in a bigger class.

Christmas was a very exciting time! Sophie was not afraid of Santa Claus one bit. We had a great time with family and friends.

Her personality is still developing as she grows in our family. She is stubborn and strong!

At the point, you are probably wondering why I haven't mentioned her vision. Sophie adapts so wonderfully to her surroundings using the vision she has we don't notice in her day to day life she is impaired. She has great depth perception and can navigate stairs and new environments like a champ!

Despite being legally blind, she can do just about anything a four year old can do. We are amazed by her progress everyday. It will be very important to me for Sophie to learn to read Braille. While she can use her vision well, she still has some nystagmus (eye movement) and needs print made extremely large. In order to reduce eye strain being proficient in Braille will be beneficial. We hope to start her with pre-Braille learning soon.

Watch out if she doesn't get her way! 

We've been a family of seven for eight months. We learn every day about Sophie's personality and what makes her anxious.  Her Chinese language has disappeared and she no longer speaks or understands it. I feel guilty our children do not speak their native language however I try to focus on what we can provide them by ways of their heritage.

As we head into the end of our first year together it has been a crazy, wild ride! I am looking forward to a "normal" summer, free from worry about adoption travels or planning. Sophie still has a lot to teach us!

STEP UP, STEP OUT

Today in my Facebook feed I read this from my friend Maggie.

"I just found out that one of the foster agencies is getting ready to take presents out to foster families and they got virtually no donations for their teens. Depending on the foster family, that could mean these kids don't get a Christmas.

If anyone would like to make donations for the teens, let me know and I'd be happy to pick up! I'm sure gift cards (music, clothes, makeup, mall) would be awesome since we don't know of specific requests. Thanks!"

A little background about Maggie. She is an amazing mom of bio and adopted daughters from foster care.  Despite being in their thirties, her and her husband have decided to again STEP UP and STEP OUT in faith to adopt a teenage girl and soon, she will join their family just in time for the holiday season.

I shared her post on my Facebook feed. It got one "like"

C'mon Christians we can do better!

Can you imagine being a teenager in foster care and seeing your younger foster siblings receiving gifts while you get nothing?
Everyone gets excited about purchasing baby gifts and toys but teenagers aren't "as fun." Can you imagine the sadness during this holiday season? The loneliness?

I know by now most have done their holiday gift shopping. I know budgets are stretched thin, but how can we ignore the least of these? 

Foster Families have little to no "extra." Our ministry was created  because of this need. THESE FAMILIES ARE ALREADY DOING THE HARD STUFF. How hard is it for us to give twenty bucks or more?

PLEASE, CONTACT ME IF YOU CAN HELP.

Click on the "contact us" button at the top of the page.

We have a paypal account and I can get funds to Maggie. 

Hebrews 13:16

 “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”

A very personal loss

This is something I don't think I have ever shared online before. It has been very personal, private and somewhat forgotten.

In 1998 I suffered a miscarriage at approximately 12 weeks. The baby would have been our second child. The pregnancy was a surprise. I had undergone infertility services to get pregnant with Summer, our oldest and expected, when we were ready, I would have to undergo the process again.

We were thrilled. My due date was set for July 18, 1998.

But somewhere in January things went wrong. It happened with out warning or explanation. There was not time to prepare. I never had any symptoms, and with the exception of a tiny heart no longer beating, the baby was inside me, just no longer living.

I remember the pain of the time. I remember how each time I heard about a child being born the summer of 1998 I thought of our child. I became obsessed with getting pregnant again because I now knew we could kick the ball past the goalie ourselves!

After Wyatt was born in May of 1999 I finally allowed myself to grieve for the child I had lost. 

As the years went on, the pain became less and eventually a distant memory.

I thought I had escaped ever having to go through this type of experience again.

Until last month.

 The pain of losing Patrick has opened an old wound with feelings very dark and personal. A big black hole. Unlike miscarriage and infant loss, there are no support groups for my kind of loss. It's very unusual. It has changed me. I grieve for two children I will never hold here on earth. 

I think of all the people who loved Patrick and all those who were so blessed to have held him. They too are grieving this child will never be a part of a family here on earth.

This journey has been personal and for the most part very lonely. I had shown Chris pictures and videos of Patrick but for the most part it was the beginning of an adoption journey. I alone carried the videos and pictures on my phone and looked at them daily. It was the first adoption I had connected with the child before I actually met them. I loved him immensely and had planned for him. I had purchased toys for him. Special items. 

I watched his life change from a smiling boy with some special needs to a child who couldn't even be carried properly by his caregivers.

I grieve for the beautiful baby I will never hold, and possibly will not know his fate. At this very moment we believe him to still be alive and hopefully being cared for in a better care facility.

I know the people who were on mission this summer grieve for him as well. They are people who spent an entire week holding him, playing with him, praying over him and loving him. They had the most beautiful experience in caring for him.

I felt old wounds open up this week as I read a blog from a mom who was in China adopting her beautiful little girl from the same orphanage as Patrick. The same bittersweet pain. The joy in a child being united with their family yet at the same time knowing I would never have the same experience. The question of WHY? The immediate realization I would never know the answer this side of heaven.

We have decided as a family we are no longer pursuing adoption of another child.

Despite hating the phrase "We have our hands full", it IS true.

I am now at peace with the decision.

We want Patrick's life to have meaning.

In 2016 there will be many changes.

We are putting into place changes which will hopefully allow me to pursue an opportunity to create a fund to benefit children in China like Patrick. 

We hope to find a permanent place for our foster closet. To make a bigger impact helping local foster families.

Pray for us in our journey.

Last photo I have of him.

Why referring to us as Brad & Angelina is OFFENSIVE

Yes. I said offensive. 

Here is a little something I have wanted to get off my chest for a while. I have had a blog post brewing in my brain for sometime. Then we got word about Patrick's condition and I have had bigger fish to fry. This is my first time to blog about the subject.

We don't personally know Brad and Angie, but I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they have adopted out of love. Angelina has been at the forefront of humanitarian efforts and helped many children. Again, I am giving them the benefit of the doubt on why they adopted.

Personally, I don't pay much attention to what goes on with Hollywood actors and their private lives are none of my business.

But...people seem to think it is "okay" to call those who adopt more than one kid, especially of a different race, "Brad & Angelina." It's not used in a nice way either. I seem to find people use the phrase when they are uncomfortable with our adopting multiple times or flat out think we are nuts.

It's just easier to say "Brad & Angelina" instead of dealing with the subject of WHY we adopt. It's easier to sweep the subject under the rug with the comment to get a laugh or change the subject than actually get to the heart of the matter.

We adopted because

ORPHANS ARE DYING

BABIES ARE SLEEPING ON BAMBOO MATS WITH NO BLANKETS

CHILDREN ARE HUNGRY AND HOMELESS

But the number one reason we adopt is BECAUSE JESUS TOLD US TO!

So, next time you think it's okay to call an adoptive family "Brad & Angelina" please remember, 

we aren't adopting to be  cool ,we adopt because it's what God did for us by adopting us as His Children.

James 1:27

27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Our Ways are NOT His Ways

Isaiah 55:7-9
…7 Let the wicked forsake his way And the unrighteous man his thoughts; And let him return to the LORD, And He will have compassion on him, And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon. 8"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. 9"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.…

This verse is what I have been hearing the last two days. MY ways are not your ways.
On Wednesday afternoon, just as I was waiting for Sophie's bus to arrive, I got a call from our agency. I was to get all my questions about baby Patrick and his condition and put them in an email. Our director was in China and was taking a train with in the hour to go see him at his orphanage. I sensed the urgency and concern. I also was very humbled at the personal attention we were getting. I wasn't surprised, our agency has always put families first, but it was really personal this time. I emailed our director and told her we were committed to him. She replied immediately and said to wait for all the information as they were dealing with a "tough situation." At this point, I knew she knew more than she was telling me, and I also knew she would wait until she had solid information to tell me. She told me the best decision was an informed one. I made the choice not to share the news with Chris. He was away hunting and couldn't do anything anyway.  I didn't want to ruin his trip with worry when I did not have any news. I sent a quick text to my friend Martha in Chicago, and then took the little ones and Wyatt to dinner.

I knew I would have to wait at least until the next day. When word didn't come at all on Thursday, I started preparing my heart. I texted Summer. She reminded me of how our journey for our second adoption didn't begin how we had planned, and how it had led us to Isaac.  She told me perhaps this is the same?  I felt reassured by her words, as if she was already accepting the worst outcome.

When Chris arrived home Thursday evening I told him everything I had been told. We waited all night for any word.. Early Friday morning I received an email. Diana wanted me to call her via Facetime. She told me, it was bad news and to call her right away. Through several dropped audio connections via Facetime she shared the details about the baby. I could hear her voice break.

She told me he was very sick. The seizures had damaged his brain so severely he was basically only able to breathe on his own. He no longer recognized caregivers. He no longer smiled. Our baby was no longer really there. I asked if she felt he was in pain and she said she didn't think so.
She was angry and devastated. She had seen this little baby and now she said it "wasn't the same kid."
I know in her mind she was trying to wrap her mind around the horror. She told me she had taken a very long video and it was horrifying.
I asked what would happen to him and she promised me they would have him moved to a care facility and out of the orphanage. Having our family on her heart, knowing we would try to do the impossible, she spent the day working there to find out what facility was available. She told me they had a solution and there was a fund to pay for his care. She said I needed to think of my whole family and I trusted her words.
Chris and I had talked before we got the call, and in the moment I told her we agreed. We would not bring him home.
Looking back now I know God had a different plan for him. He knew he would become sick, most likely not survive to be adopted, and he opened a door for better care here on earth.
He is still my child, and like the one I lost in 1998 I will not see him this side of heaven. I know God's promise and I will see him and hold him one day.
 I feel I can share his photo because I believe his time here on earth will be very short. Pray for this baby I named Patrick from the moment I saw his face.

What next? We are moving forward. Our hearts are still open and broken for the fatherless.
Since we have a finished home-study and have applied with our government to adopt from China we are moving ahead to adopt again. Patrick will NOT be simply forgotten he will be a part of our family and it's story.
We will NOT despair. We will go forward. Pray for us in our journey as it takes us back to China.

NOTE 12/16: We have decided not to return to China to adopt at this time. You can follow the journey of our family on this blog in the weeks and months to come .




I…

It's still not a choice

This morning I received an email I had hoped would never come. The worst case scenario laid out in writing.
We have known for a while a little more about Patrick then we first disclosed. He has cerebral palsy and he might have epilepsy or a seizure disorder. When the mission team visited several months ago he was a happy, smiling energetic baby boy. He did have delays because of his high tone but he was happy.
About six weeks ago we learned he had been hospitalized for a seizure due to a high fever. We have been waiting to get word about his condition. Because of his seizure it has increased his muscle tightness.  There may be brain damage.

As a mother who has experienced pregnancy loss, I can tell you this feels like several things. One being worried the orphanage will deem him not adoptable and will figure no one in their right mind would want this child. I can only liken it to feeling a huge loss all over again. A loss not of being able to bring him home, but knowing he would be left to suffer and eventually die.

Secondly, this feels like being pregnant and told your child will have serious issues. He may not live independently, he may die young. Some might even rationalize we have a choice. A choice to not impact our family, a choice to do hard, messy things. A choice to leave him.

We won't do it. We won't leave OUR CHILD to die. For now we will wait for a medical expedite on his file, have the appropriate specialists review the information, and proceed as fast as the system will allow to bring him home.

I pray we get to him in time.

Please pray for better care for him while we wait, please pray for him not to have any more seizures, and pray for our family as we begin a new journey. This one may not be covered in rainbows but it's what we are called to. I know most will not understand and it's okay if they don't. We only have to answer to God, and we have said "send me."

We are neither amazing nor courageous. We simply are incredibly messed up sinners being equipped for what we need when we need it.

Pray for our son.

Big Announcement

I know, I know. Two blog posts in one day after I haven't posted for weeks. It just so happens we are finally ready to announce publicly our news.

We
Are
Adopting.
Again.

No.
We aren't crazy.
No.
We don't want to be like Brad & Angelina.

We simply
Believe.
We have found.
Our
Son.

Yes, a boy! I have known and loved him since before we traveled for Sophie. I knew in my heart he was ours and God was calling us to once again be obedient and say yes. To once again endure the criticism, endure the economic stretching, and paperwork process. Endure the waiting.

Waiting which we are doing and trying patiently to do. We do not have his file yet from China, which means yes, I could have my heart broken in not being able to bring him home. It is also why we cannot share his photo  or any other info at this time. In most likelihood though we will have a file sometime in November and the process will be official.
For now we are in the process of applying to immigration to be approved to adopt again abroad. We've already completed the process to update our home study.

Please pray for this process. Please pray for us.
We've gotten information from people who visited on a mission trip this summer and this poor baby boy is confined to his crib or a bumbo seat all day. The team  also told me anytime the team picked him up he was happy and smiling.
My heart is breaking for this beautiful boy who will turn two in January.

Earlier in my post I stated I knew he was ours from the moment I learned he was a boy and delayed like Isaac. I composed a letter to Chris expressing everything my heart felt. I am including the letter at the bottom of this page so you can better understand the power in God's calling.

Please pray for this little boy who is all alone.


My letter to Chris in April:

To my beloved,

I decided to write everything in my head down because for the last week it has been all I could focus on. I imagine it is somewhat like how you felt when you first felt called to adopt. It was all you could think about but didn’t know where to take it.

Boy, we have sure taken your calling and run with it! I cannot wait for our adventure back to China and our adventure to adopt sweet Sophie. I think she is going to be amazing, but even if our trip is crazy and Sophie hates our guts, God is good all the time.

So back to my heart. Ever since I saw the red haired baby’s picture I couldn’t stop thinking about him/her. When Diana wrote me and said he was a “he” and he was possibly delayed like Isaac I felt more in my heart than if she had told me he was on target.

I know it would be scary financially, but everything else I feel very confident about. We know this baby doesn’t have a chance being a boy, delayed, and in China. Not very many families are moving forward to adopt a boy or a visually impaired, delayed child.

I believe in my heart he is our son. I believe his name is Patrick Louis (for your mom).

I know we can make a difference and can indeed save “one more.”

We don’t have to decide anything now. His file is NOT prepared yet, so we would be able to see how life is with Sophie. We could do an update to our home study when Sara comes at 6 weeks post placement. We could reuse Sophie’s dossier up to a year after her Gotcha date.  

He could stay in the crib in Summer’s room until he was old enough to room with Isaac. We wouldn’t have to repaint because I picked the colors for that room to grow with a boy theme. We’re already going to be at the therapy place a ton because Isaac ages out of EI. and we could just use our insurance for all the therapies at Trish’s clinic. Trish has looked at his video for me and believes he is actually a little better off than Isaac was at that age. He has no flat head, and can lift his head on his stomach and can rotate his trunk. He just needs US!

I believe we were blessed with your job because God has great things planned for us. People already look to what we are doing and God gets the glory In a million years I never thought I could do this but I feel in my heart I can. I feel God transforming me in a way I hadn’t felt before.

I read this last week and I thought it applied here…

The Door God Opens Will Require You to Depend on Him

God is not going to give us something that will alienate us from him or make us believe we no longer need him. He is a God of relationship, and a God who insists upon being first in our lives (Matthew 6:33). Therefore, if you find yourself saying “I can’t do this unless God goes before me,” or “I can do this, but only with God’s help and leading” I would say, in my personal experience, it’s likely something God is calling you to do. Hebrews 11:6says: “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for he who comes to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder of those who seek him.” Many times an “open door” from God is one that allows our faith to be stretched and strengthened. That, after all, is God’s objective for us: to grow in faith and Christ-likeness.

You can…

·         Still go hunting as much as before

·         Still ride your motorcycle

I feel confident

·         I could travel alone or with Summer or Leann

·         We could hire someone to help with all the kids for while I am gone

·         I can take care of all these kids!

·         God HAS called us to this.

We do not have to decide about him now. We have time. We can talk to Richard in person about him more. I just want you to pray about him.

I love you with all my heart.

Julie

Sophie's 4th Birthday

I am going to begin with a confession. I LOVE Hello Kitty. My own birthday is in October. So when it was very apparent Sophie shared my love of Hello Kitty early on, my creative mojo started flowing. Since bringing Sophie home, I spend a good deal of time sitting with her and Ellie as they fall asleep. During this time I would scroll through Pinterest for party ideas. There were so many wonderful ideas and I got to work planning and narrowing down which ideas I would use. I also had many left over supplies from when we hosted a Hello Kitty themed party for Brittany when she turned 19.

Sophie and Isaac attend therapies for an hour and a half each week, which allowed me to search for items for the party. I found many things at Goodwill and Target, but my biggest score was the ceramic figurines including the #4 Birthday girl, at NINETY percent off at a Hallmark store in our mall. To me, ninety percent off is almost FREE!

Sophie understood all the party prep, and she would get excited anytime I worked on a craft or printable. She would exclaim "my party" almost as if asking a question. I knew she had never celebrated her birthday in a big way with a party and could hardly wait for party day. Her special day.

We were especially excited to not only celebrate her birthday, but the home coming of her foster sister, Gabi. Gabi and Sophie spent nearly their entire lives together in China, either in the orphanage or in their foster home. They shared a close bond. I always wanted to contact my agency and request they place Gabi with a family near us in Illinois, but I also knew I didn't need to try and do God's work for Him! My only prayer was I would be able to know where Gabi ended up, and how we could always keep in touch. Several months ago we found out Gabi was being adopted in Illinois and she would be living less than an hour away! God is so gracious!

Gabi was able to attend the party and reunite with Sophie. Having only been home with her family a couple of weeks, Gabi was overwhelmed at first. Sophie seemed a bit confused, but by cake time she was bossing her "mei mei" around like I am sure she did when they lived in China.

Gabi's mom excitedly texted me on their way home to let me know Gabi had shouted out "Wo Ay Ni Sophie" (I love you Sophie), as if she had made the connection. We plan to always keep in touch and get the girls together many times a year as they grow up. It's an important connection and we are so blessed to be able to do this.

Sophie loved every aspect of her party and she loved being the center of attention. 

While not every party will be this extravagant, her birthday from now on will always be special.

HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY SOPHIE!

Sophie and her "Mei Mei" reunited!